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Thread: The world according to Mario Balotelli

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    Bluenine's Avatar
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    The world according to Mario Balotelli

    An irrelevant, sarcastic and witty look at how our favourite footballer might view the World.
    By Kieran Buxton

    Quite frankly, Mario Balotelli is one of those love or love to hate, but really, actually love characters. His charisma really is mind-blowing, as is the cheekiness of that infamous, audacious backheel against LA Galaxy that really 'ignited the spark' to the start of his controversial career at Manchester City. So, since we all really can't wait any longer for him to write an autobiography noting his life and the multiple, hilariously enlightening adventures over the course of his 21 years, I may as well give it a shot.

    So maybe this is how he sees his world?

    The Transfer...
    Manchester City bought me for 24 million from Inter, or was it AC Milan? It's so confusing because sometimes people got angry at me for wearing the other team's kit. I mean, come on, it's not that bad, AC's kit is quite nice. 24 million is a bargain for me though, I'm a fantastic player, pretty sure there must have been a sale on at Internazionale at that time, maybe 90% off. Quite sure Leicester City made a bid for me since they buy anything that moves whilst Sven Goran Erikkson is about, but Manchester City have a "Project" that is well paid.

    Self-Portrait in Words...
    Not that I'm somebody who likes controversy, or actually, maybe I am, I probably hold the record for going from "hero to zero" in the quickest time ever. I scored my first two goals for City, then decided I wanted to get to the showers before everybody else. Mancini - my boss - wouldn't sub me, so I got myself sent off. I'm not one to be confused or anything - except that is, when I put on bibs, but I changed my contract at Manchester City so that I am always on the non-bib team in training and pre-match, saves me becoming fatigued or more likely, embarrassed. On the subject of training, apparently Micah Richards and I had a fight, but really we love each other and were actually tickling each other but it looked like a fight. Not that he would beat me...

    But I'm not really that self-centred. I like to have fun - and a lot at that. Somehow, on the weekend of a big derby, I got quite excited, so excited that I let off some fireworks in my rented house. I forgot that it would probably damage some stuff, but HEY! I get paid by a rich man, and I get paid soo much I don't know what to do with it. I'm a celebrity too, sometimes if I'm in a club, I have to make appointments with girls because so many of them want to see me; I send my mates - under the name 'Receptionist' to tell them that "Balotelli will see you now."

    Yet, I am quite nice sometimes, and happy. Though you have to poach a smile from me, especially when I score. We have a "who can hold a straight face the longest" bet - as with everything I enter, I won. I won over some more fans when I befriended a bullied kid and went to confront the bullies. That felt good, bullies have no place in society, DAMN! I've never thought of myself as a hypocrit before, until now; does throwing darts at Youth team and Reserve team players count as bullying or does it just emphasise the fact that they aren't superior enough to be allowed to do such a thing?

    Manager/Player Relationship...
    Mr.Mancini is a bit like a big, cuddly teddy bear behind closed doors. If I play well, Mr.Mancini rewards me by giving me his scarf. I now have as many scarfs as games I have played because I play well every game. Mr.Mancini is very good with the big names in training and games. He is a good tactitian and I've heard he is a bit of a party animal - but we will have to rule that by my standards. But our relationship is going so well we still aren't on first name terms..

    "Along with developing that allergy to Ukranian grass, I think I have developed an allergy to countries beginning with "U" - The United Kingdom is a dump, the USA is where I made a meal of a simple back heel and Ukraine is where the grass is total sh*te."

    The Football...
    I am often found perched precariously on the bench, the excuse is "squad rotation" but in reality I know that it's because Mancini doesn't want to initially scare the opposition by putting their best player on the pitch from the start. I'm lethal!

    British football is quite rubbish, isn't it..... Continued at The world according to Mario Balotelli

  2. #2
    Adriano's Avatar
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    that was pretty funny lol

  3. #3
    Bluenine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adriano View Post
    that was pretty funny lol
    Yeah, its hilarious It is probably how he thinks, young Balotelli!

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