Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 63

Thread: Family Guy Quotes

  1. #1
    Frisko's Avatar
    Join Date
    11 May 04
    Posts
    13,287
    Thanked
    1,503 times
    Fav. Player
    El Principe

    Italy

    FIF Special Ones 10 years of FIF

    Family Guy Quotes

    After BFC82 wonderful Homer J Simpson's thread, let's hear some stuff from The Griffins!

    PETER GRIFFIN

    Peter: Relax Lois, when I had a toothache my mom used to give me whiskey.
    (Flashback to young Peter Griffin)
    Young Peter: My tooth hurts!!
    (Peters mom throws a bottle of whiskey at him and it hits the wall.)

    Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
    Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

    Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

    Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
    Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
    Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
    Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.

    Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
    skeltons.)
    Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
    Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

    Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
    Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
    Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

    Peter - I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life.
    Guy - OH MY GOD!
    Peter - No no no, I'm just kiddin. She's dead.

    Peter: Don't worry Chris. Sometimes it's good not to fit in. (Flashback to Veitnam)
    Peter (dressed in a clown suit): You guys are stupid. Their gonna be looking for army people.

    Cleveland: Hey Peter, are you up for another snow cone?
    Peter: No thanks, that yellow snow cone you gave me didn't taste like lemon, it tasted more like...oh you guys are asses!

    Brian: And remember that time you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?
    (Scene cuts to Peter in the movie theater and everyone is crying, except him.)
    Peter: I got it! Thats the guy from "Big," uh--Tom Hanks! Funny guy Tom Hanks, everything he says is a stitch.
    Tom Hanks' Character: I have aids.
    (Peter laughs hysterically.)

    Peter (to Meg): Remember that pony you wanted when you were 6? Well I've been waitin for a time like this.
    (opens closet door and a skeleton of a pony is there)
    Peter: Oh, oh god, that's right ponies, ponies like food.

    Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
    (Peter is in court)
    Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
    Peter: I do........You bastard

    Peter: It's a beautiful baby girl!
    Carol: Oh, a girl! I'm so happy!
    Peter: But it has a penis. (Picks up scalpel.) I'll take care of that.
    Lois: Peter, No!

    Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
    Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes.

    Peter: A guy at work bought a car out of the paper. Ten years later, Bam! Herpes.

    Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind!
    Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
    Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

    Lois: I care about the size of your penis as much as you care about the size of my breasts.
    Peter: Oh my God! (runs off crying)

    Lois: Good, I don't have to cook.
    Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we'll throw it out. I don't want you to get rusty.

    Brian: Peter, are you sure? You've never had much luck telling jokes.
    (Flash back to Peter in a net surrounded by apes with guns.)
    Peter: Okay, Okay. How many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw faeces at each other. Hehehehehehe.
    (Apes co ck shotguns.)

    STEWIE GRIFFIN

    (Lois finds a note in Chris's pocket)
    Lois: Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that.
    Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.

    Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

    Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

    Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
    Stewie: What did you just say?
    Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
    Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.

    Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.

    Stewie: "You know what else is disgusting?" (He farts and his right eye turns red.) "Oh damn, I broke a blood vessel."

    Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
    Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

    Lois: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
    Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?

    Stewie: Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.

    Stewie (reading the Bible)" My my, what a thumping good read, lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two by fours. I'll say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh.
    22/04/07 15th
    18/05/08 16th
    16/05/09 17th
    16/05/10 18th
    22/05/10 CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
    18/12/10 WORLD CHAMPIONS
    29/08/09 Milan 0 Inter 4 Thiago Motta, Milito (p), Maicon, Stankovic - Dominated and outclassed
    Materazzi World Champion

  2. #2
    Enricos's Avatar
    Join Date
    02 Aug 04
    Posts
    2,368
    Thanked
    29 times
    Fav. Player
    Cordoba

    Belgium

    Forum Supporter 10 years of FIF
    lol, I just love Stewie, the way he talks, his sense of humour....
    Due to the changes in the management team, we had to adopt a new domain name !

    www.forzainterforums.com

  3. #3
    Ziyad's Avatar
    Join Date
    04 Mar 04
    Posts
    11,460
    Thanked
    1,833 times

    Bahrain

    Forum Supporter 10 years of FIF
    A great show..Great stuff...I am dying reading a remembering those scenes.

    Just to think that they cancelled this show is a crime and shows how much tv execs know..

    They only brought it back because the dvd sales were soo high..

    I luv stewie
    Ziyad Of Boston

  4. #4
    KaiokenFlash's Avatar
    Join Date
    31 Jul 05
    Posts
    2,398
    Thanked
    254 times
    Fav. Player
    Javier Zanetti

    England

    10 years of FIF
    L M A O!!!
    I am in tears right now.

    Family guy rules!! Gotta love Family guy.
    All the Peter ones a priceless even though, Stewie is my fav. char.

    Anyone seen the Family guy movie
    What the eyes do not see, the Heart does not desire.

  5. #5
    Enricos's Avatar
    Join Date
    02 Aug 04
    Posts
    2,368
    Thanked
    29 times
    Fav. Player
    Cordoba

    Belgium

    Forum Supporter 10 years of FIF
    Quote Originally Posted by KaiokenFlash
    Anyone seen the Family guy movie
    Oh it was sooo good

    Finaly they gave Stewie some more lines, I loved the movie.
    Due to the changes in the management team, we had to adopt a new domain name !

    www.forzainterforums.com

  6. #6
    Frisko's Avatar
    Join Date
    11 May 04
    Posts
    13,287
    Thanked
    1,503 times
    Fav. Player
    El Principe

    Italy

    FIF Special Ones 10 years of FIF
    I know, I've been laughing my ass off reading this, I love Peter's stuff!

    Since many of you are Stewie fans, I'll give you more!

    By the way I love Stewie too, I bought a key ring thing that has typical Stewie expressions playing when you push a button... I recorded those clips, if you want them give me a shout! (PM me your email, the total size of the 6 clips is about 2.5 Mb)


    (Peter is trying to potty train Stewie)
    Peter: C'mon Stewie, don't you want to pee in the toilet like a big boy?
    Stewie: Well, perhaps I could give it the old college try. Would you put your hands there on the toilet seat, it'll help me relax.
    Peter: OK. (Slams toilet seat down on Peter's fingers.) AAAHHHHHH!!!!
    Stewie: Listen you, I'll use these facilities when I'm DAMN WELL READY!!!! Until then you shall continue to sanitize my crevice and be DAMN GRATFEUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY!!! Starting right . . .hmmp. . . hmmmp. . . . .hmmmmmp well then, not now, BUT SOON! (Walks off.)

    Eliza: Ew, your breath smells like kitty litter.
    Stewie: I was curious!

    Stewie: Hello, mother.
    Lois: Why, hello Stewie!
    Stewie: Mother, life is like a box of chocolates--you never know what your gonna get. But your life is like a box of active granades!
    Lois: Aww, you just want your toy back.
    Stewie: Victory is mine! (Granades explode.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH damn you all!

    Stewie (picking his nose): Does this not disgust you?
    Brian: Kid, you're talkin' to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.

    Stewie: What the hell is this? I said egg whites only! Are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack? (Smashes breakfast into wall.) Make it again!!

    Stewie (at airport): I require a window seat and an inflight Happy Meal, and no pickles! God help you if I find pickles!

    Mrs. Pewterschmidt: Would you like a piece of candy?
    Stewie: I smell death on you.

    Stewie: Victory is mine!

    Stewie: I say, Mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself.
    Lois: Honey, I'll be right there.
    Stewie: Oh, by all means, take your time. Oh, and when you do finally get around to it, I'll be the one covered in flies with a belly that protrudes half-way to bloody Boston!

    Stewie: Well, Well mother we meet again.
    Lois: Stewie I thought I tucked you in an hour ago.
    Stewie: Not tightly enough it would seem, and now you contemptible harpy, I shall end your oppressive reign of matriarchal tyranny!

    Lois: Stewie, say hi to our new neighbor, Officer Swanson.
    Stewie: You will bow to me!
    22/04/07 15th
    18/05/08 16th
    16/05/09 17th
    16/05/10 18th
    22/05/10 CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
    18/12/10 WORLD CHAMPIONS
    29/08/09 Milan 0 Inter 4 Thiago Motta, Milito (p), Maicon, Stankovic - Dominated and outclassed
    Materazzi World Champion

  7. #7
    minterke's Avatar
    Join Date
    05 May 05
    Posts
    7,657
    Thanked
    460 times
    Fav. Player
    99

    Canada

    Re: Family Guy Quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by Frisko
    After BFC82 wonderful Homer J Simpson's thread, let's hear some stuff from The Griffins!

    PETER GRIFFIN



    Brian: And remember that time you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?
    (Scene cuts to Peter in the movie theater and everyone is crying, except him.)
    Peter: I got it! Thats the guy from "Big," uh--Tom Hanks! Funny guy Tom Hanks, everything he says is a stitch.
    Tom Hanks' Character: I have aids.
    (Peter laughs hysterically.)
    LMAO!!!

    dude that was my favourite line in family guy history, especially the way Tom Hanks said it.
    ████████████████████████████████████

    *18* VERO

  8. #8
    KaiokenFlash's Avatar
    Join Date
    31 Jul 05
    Posts
    2,398
    Thanked
    254 times
    Fav. Player
    Javier Zanetti

    England

    10 years of FIF
    Oh Frisko, those Stewie ones are GREAT!!
    Thanks for them man, I love 'em.

    I got all of season 3 and 4 at the mo'. I'm looking into getting season 2 next.
    Any news on a seaason 5?
    What the eyes do not see, the Heart does not desire.

  9. #9
    Frisko's Avatar
    Join Date
    11 May 04
    Posts
    13,287
    Thanked
    1,503 times
    Fav. Player
    El Principe

    Italy

    FIF Special Ones 10 years of FIF
    Lucky you, I'm still waiting for season 4 to come out in the UK!
    22/04/07 15th
    18/05/08 16th
    16/05/09 17th
    16/05/10 18th
    22/05/10 CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
    18/12/10 WORLD CHAMPIONS
    29/08/09 Milan 0 Inter 4 Thiago Motta, Milito (p), Maicon, Stankovic - Dominated and outclassed
    Materazzi World Champion

  10. #10
    Choppin Onions's Avatar
    Join Date
    16 Aug 04
    Posts
    8,939
    Thanked
    5,385 times
    Fav. Player
    Capitano e CN

    Canada

    66 Forum Supporter 10 years of FIF
    That whole show is one great quote after another. One of my favorites was this one though:

    Peter: Run along, Stewie. Daddy had a rough night

    Stewie: Why you tottering, femme-sucked dewberry. I'm going to go find something to strike you with. Excuse me.

    And he proceeds to crack Peter with a baseball bat.


  11. #11
    KaiokenFlash's Avatar
    Join Date
    31 Jul 05
    Posts
    2,398
    Thanked
    254 times
    Fav. Player
    Javier Zanetti

    England

    10 years of FIF
    Oh I remember that episode!
    Where Lois learns Martial arts and takes it rough on peter
    What the eyes do not see, the Heart does not desire.

  12. #12
    BFC82's Avatar
    Join Date
    04 Mar 04
    Posts
    825
    Thanked
    3 times
    Fav. Player
    Oh I can't deci



    Ok, which one is funnier, simpsons or the family guy? The results should be interesting.
    TI AMO INTER

  13. #13
    Frisko's Avatar
    Join Date
    11 May 04
    Posts
    13,287
    Thanked
    1,503 times
    Fav. Player
    El Principe

    Italy

    FIF Special Ones 10 years of FIF
    As much as I LOVE the Simpsons, Family guy wins easily!
    22/04/07 15th
    18/05/08 16th
    16/05/09 17th
    16/05/10 18th
    22/05/10 CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
    18/12/10 WORLD CHAMPIONS
    29/08/09 Milan 0 Inter 4 Thiago Motta, Milito (p), Maicon, Stankovic - Dominated and outclassed
    Materazzi World Champion

  14. #14
    Adriano@10's Avatar
    Join Date
    22 May 04
    Posts
    4,663
    Thanked
    2,037 times
    Fav. Player
    Oba



    24 10 years of FIF
    Mhh fore me the simpsons winn clearly even if i realy like family guy. But fore me Homer is just un beatable
    Which matches do you feel more, those with Juventus or Milan?
    "With Milan, without doubt. And I don't like the Rossoneri fans either because they have a way of behaving, particularly when they win, that I don't appreciate."
    Javier Zanetti

  15. #15
    Fabio's Avatar
    Join Date
    11 Apr 04
    Posts
    6,772
    Thanked
    51 times
    Fav. Player
    Javier Zanetti



    The Simpsons for me...

    Fabio
    "Cuore, Testa, Muscoli.. Da anni sognavamo un Gruppo cosi!!!
    Forza Ragazzi
    Nessuno escluso"

  16. #16
    Choppin Onions's Avatar
    Join Date
    16 Aug 04
    Posts
    8,939
    Thanked
    5,385 times
    Fav. Player
    Capitano e CN

    Canada

    66 Forum Supporter 10 years of FIF
    The Simpsons first 6 or 7 seasons are almost flawless but Family Guy has taken over as Simpsons episodes get worse and worse. It's way past it's expiration date.


  17. #17
    Frisko's Avatar
    Join Date
    11 May 04
    Posts
    13,287
    Thanked
    1,503 times
    Fav. Player
    El Principe

    Italy

    FIF Special Ones 10 years of FIF
    These Stewie Hussein pics are just awesome! They're from the Stewie Griffin untold story movie, he says his adventure into politics didn't go too well!







    22/04/07 15th
    18/05/08 16th
    16/05/09 17th
    16/05/10 18th
    22/05/10 CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
    18/12/10 WORLD CHAMPIONS
    29/08/09 Milan 0 Inter 4 Thiago Motta, Milito (p), Maicon, Stankovic - Dominated and outclassed
    Materazzi World Champion

  18. #18
    Kato's Avatar
    Join Date
    03 Jun 05
    Posts
    4,811
    Thanked
    623 times
    Fav. Player
    CN69

    Italy

    10 years of FIF
    Ah so u finally watched it then guess i'll have to make u a new dvd next time i come over but yeh, the movie is damn hilarious
    Juve - ladri colpevolia per sempre
    Una volta un ladro sempre un ladro

    Liberta' per gli ultras

    No al calcio moderno


  19. #19
    BlueBacchus's Avatar
    Join Date
    07 Apr 05
    Posts
    1,955
    Thanked
    74 times
    Fav. Player
    Pirlo

    United States

    I remember that Episode when the Griffins were on TV.
    And Stewie was being interviewed.
    And he said..."It is not that I want to kill Lois, but rather I don't want her to be alive." -or something like that
    Ich bin muede.

  20. #20
    Hammoudi's Avatar
    Join Date
    04 Mar 04
    Posts
    13,378
    Thanked
    10 times
    Fav. Player
    Internazionale



    Yeah, this kid is very funny. I caught the show a while ago, and it was hilarious.

    Their town had a lot of British migrants for some reason, and he was irritated with the way a little English girl was speaking!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •