Kent Wallace: You've never left this property, have you, Mr. Bigsby?
Clayton Bigsby: No, sir, not in many years.
Kent Wallace: What if I were to tell you that you're an African American?
Clayton Bigsby: Sir! I'm going to make this clear. I'm in no way, shape or form involved in any kind of niggerdom.
Kent Wallace: [Kent Wallace and Jasper are in the gas station and Jasper is paying for gas] Sir, you're a friend. Why not tell him he's African American?
Jasper: Listen man. He's too important to the movement. Tell him that he's black, he would probably kill himself. Just be one less nigger around. His commitment is that deep.
Kent Wallace: I'm overwhelmed by the irony.
Skin Head: [four guys are outside banging on the car and Jasper runs out to the car and save Clayton from trouble] Hey, monkey! You lost, boy!
Skinhead: Run, boy, we don't like your kind around here!
Skin Head: You better get out of here before something bad happens.
Clayton Bigsby: That's right!
Clayton Bigsby: That's right! Tell that nigger. That dirty nigger!
Jasper: Come on, Clayton, we got to go.
Clayton Bigsby: Jasper, there's nigger around here. That damn monkey was beatin' my hood
[then Clayton gets back in the car and they drive off]
Clayton Bigsby: [shouts] White power! Nigger!
Kent Wallace: In the past few weeks, Clayton Bigsby accepted the fact that he is a black man. And three days ago, he filed for divorce from his wife. When we asked "Why after 19 years of marriage?" He responded, "Because she's a nigger lover."
Intervention Counselor: Harold, what time did you tell him to be here?
Harold: 5:00. But he's always late.
Rhonda: Oh, he'll be here. In 3, 2, 1...
Tyrone Biggums: [bursts inside room] Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?
Tyrone Biggums: Why do you think I carjacked you, Rhonda?
Rhonda: 'Cause the cops found you asleep in it high on crack!
Tyrone Biggums: That's impossible, Rhonda. How can you sleep when you're high on crack? Chinese riddle for you.
[Clayton Bigsby's truck pulls up next to a group of white kids listening to rap]
Clayton Bigsby: Hey, niggers! Turn that jungle music down! Woogie boogie, nigger! Woogie boogie!
white Hip-Hop Fan: Did he just call us niggers?... AWESOME!
News Reporter: What about people who say you're only interested in the Middle East for oil?
President Black Bush: What? Huh? Oil? Who said somethin' bout oil, *****. You cookin? Oil? Man, I don't know what...
[knocks over water pitcher]
President Black Bush: Come on, y'all! Get out of here!
[breaking news report following the distribution of slavery reparations]
News Reporter: So, what do you plan to spend your money on.
Tron: [In fake, quivering voice] I'm going to re-invest it in the community.
News Reporter: Well, that's...
Tron: Psyche. I'm gonna spend it before y'all honkies change yo minds.
Rick James: [as Charlie and Eddie Murphy beat up on his legs] YOU DARKNESS, YOU BLACK - LATE NIGHT - EVIL MOTHA****AS - BLACK MAGIC, DARKNESS! YOU RAW... DARKNESS... YOU... DELIRIOUS... MOTHA****AS. YOU WAS COLD AS ICE.
Charlie Murphy: [narrating] But still, after taking a beating like that, Rick's like...
Rick James: **** yo couch, nigga.
Rick James: Charlie! There's a new joke goin' around - have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face?
Charlie Murphy: [doesn't understand] What?
Rick James: SLAP!
[He slaps Charlie]
[after Rick James has slapped him for no particular reason]
Charlie Murphy: I'm standing there I'm thinking, "This nigga really has lost his ****ing mind." First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok. I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, ya know, they did it in Paris, some guy would come up, "I challenge you to a duel." They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go!
Quills: [screaming] All right, nigga! Get butt naked right now!
Leonard Washington: [calm] First of all, I think y'better watch your tone son. I'm Leonard Washington. I don't get butt naked for nobody.
[holds up wad of money]
Leonard Washington: You want this roll, nigga? You gonna have to shoot me for it.
[shoots him in the knee, takes the money]
Leonard Washington: GOD DAMN, NIGGA! WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU! THAT'S WHY BLACK PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING! YOUR MAMA AIN'T SHIT!