I really enjoyed this writing hence I did a quick translation of it hoping that some of you will enjoy it too. For those of you not familiar with Slitz – I can tell you that Slitz is a men’s magazine in Sweden.
Inter – “The Slitztheory”
Perhaps at times when you have no solution for a long-term crisis it would not be a bad idea to put aside all your expertise and look at the situation from another angle.
Sometimes the "ordinary guy" from next door may resolve the problem where many experts have repeatedly failed to do so.
After years of heated discussions and unnecessary as it seems analysis in regards to Inters failure - a friend passed me a theory which we soon called “the Slitztheory”.
It is corny, yet very explicit. It seems that our “ordinary guy” had done it again by discovering yet another weird theory.
I should add that our man does not have much interest in football. He mainly had had to put up with my random outburst of pain each Monday.
The following writing is based on his basic ideas and me spicing up a few details:
“If we were about to compare a football team with women then Inter would certainly be seen as a blond Slitz-girl with huge tits. She looks great on paper yet without any substance. Men (the players) take advantage of her (huge wages) for then to move on. They seem more interested in their flashy cars and the latest haute couture that Donatella has designed.
She is not demanding, therefore men can come and go as they wish. The very few who truly fall in love with her (Javier Zanetti) only suffer as she does not have anything fantastic on offer.
Time after time she gets ran over by those who demand too much (Ronaldo), and by those who crave for the spotlight (Vieri), and the ones who are looking for a risk free one night stand (Conceisao, among many others).
When she finally finds a father figure (Cuper) who gradually starts showing her discipline and lady-like manners, she then pushes him aside because she can not put up with the pressure from her surroundings.
“You have been so boring lately, you were more fun before”, they say.
Yet again, uncertain as she is, does she give in to pressure from the outside. After all it is for everyone’s benefit to take advantage of her.
So, sniff the cocaine my baby, loose you senses and we are all back at square one. Where new men come and go – a life in chaos.
And the saddest element of it all is that she is so alone. Despite the constant circus around her, there are few who truly care about her. And those who care feel empty inside because she constantly let them down. Their faith have been shattered and no one recognise her anymore.
The blond girl has much to learn from the old lady.
She has left me heartbroken for years but I know – I know that beneath those silicone breasts there is a heart, a heart full of love.
And when she eventually liberate her love and captures my heart we shall then dance the nights away……..”.
All credit goes to my good friend Damon R.