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Thread: Juventus Janitor Warns Inter

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    Ehsan's Avatar
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    Juventus Janitor Warns Inter

    Juventus Janitor Warns Inter

    The 76 year old veteran finally speaks out to land a cautionary blow against Inter and predicts disaster for the Nerazzurri.


    After 60 years of service, Luigi Canfari finally spoke out with serious consequences. The 76 year old janitor was long believed to be mute, but has finally revealed that he simply chose not to speak until he had a prophecy to deliver.

    “Juve will prevail.” Those were the first words anyone ever heard from the mouth of Il Custode di Torino, and after that he didn’t stop talking. “I have been worshiping this team since I came into this world, and I can now see true victory in their future,” added the cleaner.

    Legend has it that Luigi was actually born in Stadio Olimpico di Torino when it was inaugurated in 1933. Since then, people recall seeing him around the playing fields, always eager to serve the players. It is not clear who appointed him or when, but he has always been cleaning after the team.

    “I have cleaned many toilets in my lifetime, and scrubbed off the muck of many legendary players such as Boniperti, Giuseppe Furino, Bettega, Cabrini, and of course the king, Alex,” Luigi proudly added. “Even today, Dino [Zoff] still calls me to buff the lavatory at his home.”

    When asked about his opinion of Inter, the gentle man turned hostile and spoke without mercy.

    “I am a man who dealt with crap his whole life, but those dirty losers are too filthy even for me to handle,” he scoffed. “They will fail in the derby and La Vecchia Signora will prevail and take the Scudetto in the end.

    “I know this because I spent years analyzing the toilet patterns left behind by our key players. Bowel movements can tell you a lot about a person, and I have turned this art into a science. I can tell you without any doubt that the streaks left today match the ones I have seen in the great Bianconeri years of ’60, ’85, and ’95. Inter will simply crumble and go down the drain.”

    Luigi Canfari moved to delle Alpi for many years, following the team. Today he is back at the Olimpico and proposed a novel solution for dealing with their city rivals who share the same stadium.

    “It’s easy really. When the Granata are playing, I simply don’t show up to work, and let them deal with their own clogged toilets. I’m sure many games were lost for them because of the smell in the changing rooms. I only [serve] the Bianconeri, because my skin is black and my blood is white.”

    When asked about the Calciopoli scandal which rocked Italy, Il Custode di Torino was quick to dismiss the incident.

    “There was nothing. It was a silly claim by the same type of people who come into my toilets holding their noses and complaining about the smell. There is no smell, I tell them, so stop making it up. I have lived in toilets for many years and I never smelled anything wrong, so I wonder where these lies are coming from.”

    Luigi’s future is currently uncertain, as the club gets ready to move into a new venue in 2011 which features automated toilet cleaning machines.


    Ehsan - forzainterforums.com

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    Commentry:

    Every Juve player and their mother is talking about Inter. The game is still 2 weeks away and they still have 2 games before that, but all eyes are on Inter. Ranieri doesn't want to have dinner with Mou... Molinaro is sure they can overthrow Inter... And Gigle is reminding Udinese of their Zebra colors.

    Of course if Mourinho says to Ranieri "Who asked you out for dinner anyway??" He will be called the hostile devil.

    And more will come from these conceited people... because this is a team which talks a lot, but then forgets their own words if it doesn't suit them. For example, here are some of the statements before the first Derby:

    • Del Piero Better Than Ibrahimovic - Zico
    • Inter Not The Example To Follow - Elkann
    • Giovinco: Juventus will beat Inter 2-0
    • Amauri: I'll Show Ibrahimovic How It's Done
    • Riva: Amauri Is Better Than Ibrahimovic
    • Blanc: Ibra’s Choice To Leave Juventus
    • Iaquinta: We Play Better Against The Best Teams
    • We Are Ready For Inter - Molinaro
    • Zambrotta Hoping For An Inter-Juve Draw
    • Sissoko: I'll Score And We'll Beat Inter
    • Nedved Will Be Decisive - Chiellini
    • Amauri: We're Better Than 'Average' Inter

    Here are their statements after we beat them:

    • ...

    And now they talk again, more than two weeks before the game. One of my friends jokingly said "All that is left is for their janitor to make a statement as well!" Which I thought was a brilliant and so Luigi was born.

    Even if Luigi's predictions come true and we lose the derby, they will always be the team that stinks the most but can't smell their own crap.

  3. #3
    Ilkinio's Avatar
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    Horror film: Janitor's Warning. This April in all cinemas across Italy
    Interista... In victory and defeat...

  4. #4
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    No shit dude

    Great stuff Ehsan.
    IO SONO INTERISTA

  5. #5
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    Omg couldnt stop laughing
    "intermilan doesnt have our history" wheres your history now?

  6. #6
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    HAHA this is really a nice one!
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    "We would have won this game even with seven men. Maybe with six we would have struggled, but we would have won with seven." Jose Mourinho after Derby della Madonnina

  7. #7
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    Can't tell if it's a parody because the bastards heads have been stuck in there asses for a lot of time.It is a parody right?

    Either way that was really good.
    il cuore della nord barre dentro di re

  8. #8
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    Spara questo vecchio bastardo!

  9. #9
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    Bessi

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    Haha pretty good shit

  10. #10
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    lol haha. thanx Ehsan for this information !
    Massimo Moratti: "Javier Zanetti ha sempre onorato la maglia e ci ha sempre fatto sentire fieri di essere interisti"

  11. #11
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    Glad you guys liked it

  12. #12
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    Want Mourinho to somehow know about this. A guy who can predict team fate's by looking at people's poty.
    Spoiler: text 

  13. #13
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    Janitor Wars Episode 2(V): Pelissier strikes back!
    Interista... In victory and defeat...

  14. #14
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    That janitor is full of crap.
    18 F.C. Internazionale Milano 18

  15. #15
    A.l.i's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilkinio View Post
    Janitor Wars Episode 2(V): Pelissier strikes back!


    I'm sure he didn't clean Pelissier's poty after the match.
    Spoiler: text 

  16. #16
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    Let's hope that Ibra and co will show janitor some good shit tomorrow
    Interista... In victory and defeat...

  17. #17
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    next on sky sports

    janitor wars!
    Fuck this Gone

  18. #18
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    hahahahahahha xD this is crazy ....ahahhahahahahha xD
    ƖƝƬЄƦƝƛƧƖƠƝƛԼЄ

  19. #19
    jayjay's Avatar
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    la morte a tutto juve fanboys
    Fuck this Gone

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adrem Renti View Post
    wow you even fail at humor. just sad
    at least he doesnt suck balls like juventinos
    Fuck this Gone

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