OK, this will probably sound like I'm a shovinist pig, but I yesterday I watched the best standup comedy ever. One of the performers was impersonating an old farmer and he told some hillarious jokes about women:
Q: Why are women's feet shorter than men's?
A: So they can stand closer to the stowe.
Women are like cell phones. You put it on mute, but it still keeps buzzing
Women are like cars. You have to have it, but all it brings you are expenses.
When your woman doesn't annoy you, you have to make sure you're still alive.
You don't ask a woman: "How are you?", but: "Do you feel any better?"
Q: Why you always get lost when you follow Garmin's instructions?
A: Because a woman's voice gives you instructions.
Woman asks her man: "Why you never tell me you love me again?"
Man: "I've told you once and it's still true. When it's not true, you'll know it.
A man comes home from work tired and lies on a sofa. Woman annoys him:"The moment you come home you lie on the sofa!!!" Man: And what else am I supposed to do on a sofa???
He told many more, but I fear women might get offended